funny

Its funny how things turn out sometimes, you see stuff staring at you in the face, but you choose to turn away. The last person who tried it died in a road accident. A semi was staring him in the face. So then its better to look at stuff in the face, even death. Its funny how these things work out sometimes.

Trying all our lives to do things that keep us alive, make us feel alive, but actually dying a slow death doing it. What hurts even more is knowing that it is, and watching it set it in. And then that light at the end turns into a train and you're glad. Maybe it will take you somewhere, but f*ck, no, its just heading straight for you, but you've already blissfully turned away.

So then what. I dont know. I dont f**king care. But I do.

The constancy of figuring out, living it. I hope the train is a fast one. It'll be over quick. Real Quick. Either Way.

-- The Author is not suicidal, he just thinks he's figured out stuff and that it should be written, cos its too good to remain in his head, cos there's too much there, and this is the good stuff. And good writers are not appreciated, cos there are better people to appreciate, like those genome mapping scientists. F*ck them. I did all this research by myself. Didn't get paid, and fucking nearly died in the process. And f*ck no, I'm not suicidal.

Expectations

Several years from now, I will look back at my life and wish that many things had not happened. Worse still I would curse myself for doing a lot of those things, uninstigated. Having built a cocoon for myself that allowed me my little joys, having broken that down to let me enjoy others', having painfully reconstructed it to ensure solace, all ploys that have thusfar yielded miserable results.

And when the burden of expectations lifts, ever so lightly, you are fooled into believing that everything is all right. But then wham, it hits you in the face and you're miserable all over again. Telling myself that the pain I feel now is the happiness I had before, is what keeps me sane. But this kind of sanity is far from the tranquility I so badly desire.

And yet, there is no sense of despair that I am normally used to. Its just a prolonged state of indifference that I see in the offing. A hugely prolonged state of indifference as I keep stepping from one blow to another. There are times when I long to get out of this state. There are times when I have been sucessful. But at the end of the day, the only thing that lets me get into bed and fall into a blissful slumber is that indifference.

Heath Ledger

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car.

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme.

I hate it, I hate the way you're always right.

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call.

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.

Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

--Ten Things I Hate About You"

Not a highly recommended movie, but heath's there. he's there

R.I.P

...

SJVN

A small victory of sorts today. A seemingly futile avenue has thrown up a good opportunity. Feels good.

In the abyss of happiness

the joy had disappeared

but it has returned

Light up the Darkness

In the midst of his nuptials, the trademark "you fucker" aka "Incestuous Expletives" look

Iktara

Breakfast at Leopold

Catching up with buddies

Iktara

Work

Nice evening planned

Merci Beacoup Dieu :)

Prayer

A bright light on the horizon beckons, pity I was oblivious to it for a long time. Better late than never.

NMIMS

For an institution that claims to have had a wondrous past and foresees an equally bright future, there's a lot of ill will on blogosphere that it has managed to generate. And while I was not a part of the brigade that was bashing it, one meeting with a friend who was marred by the same institute propelled me to blog about it. I hate it. The amount of grief that it has filled my life with is unfathomable. And the after effects of being in this place was neutralised by the fact that my current organisation can whop the bejesus out of that institution with its capacity to inflict pain.

hahahahahaha

“The good times of today, are the sad thoughts of tomorrow.”

The Fall

And while some of us rest peacefully,

There are others who fight

And for those of us who fight,

A lot of us give up

And for those of us who give up

There are a few that don't

And for those few that don't

I salute you.

I embrace you.

I wish there were more of you

I wish ...

"The people, who were trying to make this world worse... are not taking a day off. How can I?

Light up the darkness."

Finally ...

Opel Corsa - It had an epiphany to die in my arms

This was in reply to my email :

Dear Sir,

I would like to place on record my sincere gratitude to you. After watching Catch Me If You Can, I thought it had pretty much covered the gamut of making money by all means possible, but it seems they forgot GM. Let me place on record my (horrible) ownership experience with an Opel Corsa that unfortunately is my first car.

I bought a used Opel Corsa 1.6 Gsi that had about 58,000 km on the speedo. The pride of ownership however was soon lost because my car never made it home the first day. The fuel tank had a leak. I consoled myself, paid a hefty 1k to the towing vehicle and got it to National Garage on Peddar Road, Mumbai. I must say you have trained them well. For a car that cost me 80k to buy, the very first day had me spending 32k on a long list of replacements that promised to make the car better. Only it did not. The amount of labour they charged me could be used to four lane the highways in Russia.

In fact so busy were they in trying to ensure that a prized catch like yours truly (read moron) should not be let go, that they managed to forget to tighten the bolts on the driver’s side. They prob hoped I’d crash and not write this email. But no such luck I’m afraid. They also managed to @*#% up the electrical system by putting in the wrong fuses. So when I drove home that night, up to my building, the car started smoking from under the bonnet. They had forgotten to put the fuse for the engine fan. The ECU light also showed up. Probably it’s way of showing that even if the ECU doesn’t function properly at least the b$oo#y light does.

They replaced the head lamps, bulbs, and charged me an astronomical sum for it. Pity it worked only in outer space. I had to get it done again. You see I reside on earth.

I then spent varying sums of money to replace the clutch plate, the fuel pump, the flywheel, brake pads, master cylinder and not to mention getting the fuel injectors cleaned (which National Garage claimed to have done). I tried my best to salvage the car (and my pride).

But you see the car now sits in my parking spot, refusing to start because the alternator seems to have given up. I then begin to wonder whatever the $*%# did I pay that much money for. But then I give up. You see I’m too small a person to make you pee your pants. You can do anything you want. And get away with it. I hope the 32k pads that bottom line of yours well.

Funny thing is I just realised that I’ve been GMed. In India that’s not a nice thing.

Regards,

Subodh Mallya

6(k) feet under

An unlikely place to see your death being played out. Of course no ugly facial expressions. Not a soul to bid you goodbye. Just the sea beckoning you, the chains on the feet clinking as though in protest for the extremity of the act about to follow.

And then it all ends. A serene calm descends, as the pressure of the sea makes you relive your life. And as soon as you're done, it takes it away. And you sink, noiselessly, to the bottom of the ocean. Your final resting place.

Funny how things turn out then.

Home Sweet Home

Victory comes to those who want it the most ... and the longest

This

is life

For the Non Believers

A man needth the right tool to display his potential

Lonvala ...

Highly recommended for the mind fucked

Its all there

Hot as hell ... but god damn its beautiful

My eight year old car navigating the roads ... by itself ... is true

Still works .... :D

Second highlight of my trip

Something in me has changed. Thanks PS ...

Another wasted day

I love my job. But its days like these that really piss me off. Lonavala, a long drive and relaxation is all I craved for, and after 30 days of working without single day's rest, I think I deserved it. instead I'm waiting in the lobby of a dilapidated organisation, playing to the whims of some old man who holds the highest office. SUCKS.

Sign of things to come :)

August Rush

"The music is all around us, all you have to do is listen"

The bond that got created with ease, went through rough patches, but as a wise one said, let things be and the residual is what one should be happy with. I'm finally at peace.

WTF

For people with lots of money and no Taste : Mercedes Swarovski

Faith is a funny thing

Funny thing fate ...

In about 50 years you're going to do some thinking, and you're going to appreciate that there are two certainties in life; one - don't do that. and the second is that you spend all your time protecting your back side that you'll never know where you're going and wham, 7504 has a punctured bonnet, not to mention a wounded ego :D

And sometimes serendipity will find you salvation.

How I miss them

"One day your life is going to flash before your eyes. Make sure its a good show"

Obscuring

Losses in life don't always give you the miss

The void they leave feels like a dementor's kiss

And for the moment that the soul leaves the body

You stand back, feel that outer body experience and realise your life's a parody

So you laugh at life itself

Afterall a bit of humor is always forthcoming, especially off the shelf

Poetry was never my forte

But somehow rhyming has now become my repartee

Not that I'm good at it or any such fancy notion

Sometimes all I long for is a swig of polyjuice potion

Afterall you'd like to be someone you're not

Just to sit in the mirror and look at what you forgot

Hope

People come and go, they bring a plethora of emotions with them. And they take them away. Like a soothing zephyr momentarily makes you forget your sorrows, you soul too finds their presence uplifting. But then they move on. You're shattered, yet something reminds you that there are places in the world that were made of stone. There are places that should be built of stone. They're built to protect what is inside. What is yours. They are they to make sure that the hope that keeps floating doesn't manifest into something that you can't handle. But like most things in life, the structures we build to protect ourselves are not cohesive. Because we build them out of things that life keeps throwing at us. And at the first signs of cracks, they yield to the pressure and break. And you suddenly feel light headed and happy. You taste freedom. You enjoy the hope that was floating around come and hit you. You absorb it. You love it.

But there is only so much that is around. And soon its over. Before you know it your lungs are over worked trying to breathe in as much as possible. And slowly but surely the system gives way. So you're lying face down washed up on a shore, the beauty of the scene is mocking your condition. But then so has everything else. And this degeneration into a mere caricature of your self is an ugly sight. You're so accustomed by now that you are waiting for that hope to fill your lungs, but what life throws at you is brickbats. And you get your cue. You start picking up the pieces and building that feeble defence around you again, with the hope that this time, the structure stands up longer than it did the last time around. And that's where the fault lies. Because you're hoping that it will stand up. And we all know what hope does.

Free Will

And while most of our battles are fought within, the best ones are fought with the agents of free will. Namely god himself. Doesn't take too long to figure that you've picked the losing side. And while you're tottering on the edge of sanity, he stands there, in all his splendor, mocking your lame efforts at trying to mend and fence again and again. In fact there is a part of him that likes watching free will play itself out. But in the end, he does come around. And the peace is restored.

The clouds are clearing, but there's no wind behind the sails
The wait has been long, but I guess there's always something in the mail
From the maker it has taken its leave
To the seeker it shall provide relief
But the wait has made the seeker meek
So much so, that it felt like swimming up sh*t's creek

...

The start is always the most beautiful. The security, strength and power that you draw from your loved ones is unparalleled. You want to reach out and protect them, care for them, so that they never need to care for themselves. But somehow, over time, things start falling apart. You start drifting away, and it doesn't feel right, so you start flapping around like a fish out of water.

And the more you thrash about, the more ripples you create. And the further away you drift. And your heart aches at the loss. But you pull yourself together. Walk out of the water dry yourself and sit on the banks. The sun is setting and maybe there's more meaning to these things that we take for granted. Who knows.

Alone is probably still the best.

Time-Space Continuum

If you look at it really, it's pretty evident. The deepest of gashes heal with time. The strongest emotions mellow with space. Its a wonder then, why people keep fighting this. (Yes I know what's coming my way).

But like euclid said, the best healer is the time space continuum.

Cheers to life.

Despair

The sense of relief that accompanies the falling of a pretence is so overwhelming that it takes an entire sentence to express that joy, when a yay would have sufficed.

The road to perdition is surprisingly short. But then the human mind is so inflammed with suffering that perdition seems to be a better option than alleviating it. And the despair that the effort of eternal damnation brings is much akin to that what suffering brings. One is thus left wondering whether the fall to the depths and dwelling there is better than burning the insides hollow. And much of the despair lies in the fact that our journey here has been short. What awaits us is much longer. The end always seems near, but its long drawn out, and hell its not even funny.

And that journey I have taken, to the brink and back, and have survived to tell the tale. And this piece, which should have been condemned, now finds its way into the mind of another. Where ponder the reader shall, why indeed has this not been condemned.

There is hardly any joy left, except those that are short lived. Going away is an option. Coming back, I really dont know. Going away from what, and going away to what. 2 things that keeps me firmly planted. I know that over time, everything fades away into insignificance, how soon and how much are pretty much a function of how we choose to conduct ourselves that point forward.

And I know that this conflict that should have gone away, reflects somewhere on my balding countenance. It has found a friend in sarcasm. Perhaps a reflection of the traquility that is missing.

Irunny

Such is the tragedy of life that the closer you get, the further everything seems. Looks like god designed this life like a treadmill, always keeping you moving, sometimes faster, sometimes slow, your heartbeat always up, you're always on the edge of exhaustion, but the sight of the target keeps you going. But you never get there. and you tire. tire beyond what you can endure.

Then you hope that either the treadmill changes direction so that you cant see where you're going, or it just stops.

But it doesn't, and by now, your legs have grown strong, you can run faster, stronger without tiring, but you're still rooted to where you are. And the futility of the whole thing is beginning to wear your nerves thin. And you realise that hey, I'm old. And there's nothing you can do about that either. And you see this happening to the next generation. But you don't warn them. You think that this is good exercise. What for ? Whatever the hell for ?

Irony, the closer you get, the further away you seem.

The curse of intelligence

For a lot of us, our intelligence is the only thing we have going for us. To keep us out of trouble, to make sure that we don't do things that we don't expect of ourselves. But brief periods of insanity are bound to hit rational thinking. And when that does happen, the collateral damage that ensues is not funny.

But thank god for those rudders. Mighty useful when you haven't got a grip on things yourself.

Simple Pleasures

Getting up late

Feeling rested and lazy

Firecrack Chicken

Not taking a bath, Reading in bed

A cup of Hot Coffee

Dark Knight Donut

Drinking out of the juice carton

Super soft superman boxers

Cold Shower at 12.30

My Pa's saracasm

Knowing that I can most of this on most days

Covenant

No one acts more foolishly than a wise man in love
The joy that washes over seems like sparrow found his trove
But bereft of that simple pleasure
Man is but a vagabond searching for treasure

So steeply entwined in his misery he gets begotten
The pleasures of life are best forgotten
For eve shall be my aid in this pome
She bit that forbidden apple
And burdended forever was this dome

What escapes bounded rationality
Is that this pome is penned in humility
What shudders the protagonist
Is that love he's not in, and that is alarmist

With God he had made a pact a while ago
And God had promised not to meddle with his ego
But God went back on his promise
Ergo God shall repair the covenant and return the solace

Love and such

Silence is a beautiful language,
there so much to say, but this provides assuage
there are times when things are best left unsaid
even though the heart feels heavy like lead

And the ensuing calm that descends is temporary
but the storm that brews within seems legendary
Surface it cannot, and I know it
for once it shows, nothing remains legit
after all there are laws that guide us
so what if it fucks our head like a sinus

And that love fills up the heart like ivy,
slowly growing in the confines of privity
but said one soul in great wisdom
if it cannot be shown, it might lessen,
for love is not flubber or as lissome

But the heart hopes and waits
It thinks that I'm probably just late
I look hard and try and figure
and the more I look, the more I ponder

And so I saw myself as a sorry young chap
sitting in his room alone enjoying a night cap
And down my cup I saw frowning,
why the hell was the sorrow not drowning,
And it was then that it hit me
All I was drinking was coffee ;)

My window

The scenic beauty fades
Deep into the recess of the eerie silence
The rumbling above indicates none within
Reason dims into insignificance

The draw of water and the mist
remain unparalleled to all on the list
as it parches the thirst of the earth
the insomniac revels beneath

Sleep is afterall a fickle fiend
Here one day, then gone for a week
But awakeness never looked better before
After all there never was such beauty and splendor